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On failure and amateurism
Mar. 4th, 2011 10:40 amSo the other night was the anniversary of the founding of the LDS Relief Society, a worldwide women's organization. The theme was Go Out on a Limb, and people were supposed to set goals to learn a new skill, develop a talent, make a new friend, or...I forget the last one, but the basic idea was to make yourself stretch and grow and do something new. Didn't have to be earthshaking, just try something new. So one of the things I did was the making socks thing. I was asked to share a little about my experience at the dinner, and at first all I had to say was, "Um...so, I made these socks. Thanks, I'll sit down now." But I had a few other thoughts about the process, too, which naturally I'm going to post here, because I'm much better at writing out thoughts than saying them.
Everybody has things they feel they aren't good at and/or just hate to do, so they avoid them. Hey, that's fine. I hate volleyball and so I don't play it. I don't particularly like cleaning, either, especially when little people dump things out faster than I can clean up. I can't avoid that one, but I guess I do the job that needs to be done and spend my thoughts on something else. If you come to my house and expect to find me polishing doorknobs, um...sorry?
Then we have things we all feel professional about. They might be things you are paid for, and they might be things that nobody is paid for--but you still feel professional about them. Maybe you're an accountant, and it's your job. Maybe you're professional about always making sure your daughters have matching clothes, hair bows, and pretty clothes. I feel pretty professional about genealogical research and about writing. Maybe I'll never be paid for these things, but I approach them as if it were my job and I wanted to do the finest work possible. We all have things like this.
But there's another category between the two, and I think that's important, too. We all need things we can do--and mess up over. It's okay to be amateur with some things! It means you are learning. And yes--it means you will mess up! And it's okay. If you look at my socks, you will find wrong stitches and holes where there shouldn't be any. You'll find uneven knitting. And that's okay! I love doing something where it doesn't matter if I'm not perfect at it. The world won't crumble, my family won't fall apart, the legislature won't go on strike. I'm going to mess up, but I'm going to learn from that, and I'm going to get better. I don't feel the need to judge myself against someone else because I already know I'm just a learner. Just an enjoyer.
It makes me think of when I started college, and had a one-year scholarship. Competition was fierce for renewal and you basically had to have a 4.0 to even apply. Well, I was also working so I could pay rent and eat, and I didn't keep a 4.0. It was disappointing, but also a bit of a relief. Because now I didn't have to stick to classes I knew I would be good at. I could take a risk, take a class in an unfamiliar subject, and actually learn something new! I knew people who were still stuck in the I-must-keep-perfect-grades trap and didn't have that same freedom as a result. The thing is, if you only stick to what you're good at, you never learn anything. You might as well be back in the Garden of Eden, where everything is perfect--and static. (Adam and Eve get a lot of flack for messing up. But I think the situation was a lot more complex than that. In a way, they messed up. But they also thought for themselves, admitted and took responsibility for their actions, and grew a lot from the experience. And it's not like there weren't provisions made for this very thing. To be Lewisian about it, Aslan didn't make a split second decision to stand in for Edmund. It was in the plan before Time itself.)
Sometimes we let momentary failures ooze out far past the bounds they need to. JK Rowling gave a wonderful speech at Harvard commencement a few years ago where she talked about "the fringe benefits of failure." If "failure" means learning from a mistake and turning it into a new strength, then that doesn't seem much like failure to me! Maybe we need to set our sights further, and look at things from a more wholistic point of view.
Maybe I'll learn so much about knitting that I'll become a sensation on Etsy. But er, as I don't think I'm quite that invested in it, probably not. Just like the millions of kids whose parents gave them piano and dance and gymnastics lessons but who didn't go on to be concert pianists or Olympic athletes or win national ballroom dance titles. Wasted effort, then? I think not. There's nothing wrong with doing something new, just for fun, just for creative enjoyment. To give my brain a rest from the things I do feel the need to do "right." I think it makes me a happier person, and being a whole, healthy person is much more important to me than being the Very Best in the Whole World. It brings home to me the truth that while I am important and unique in the universe and can do many things, I actually don't have to singlehandedly lift the weight of the entire universe and be responsible for it, either. I can't do that anyway, and this reminds me I don't have to feel bad about it.
So go do something amateur today! :)
Everybody has things they feel they aren't good at and/or just hate to do, so they avoid them. Hey, that's fine. I hate volleyball and so I don't play it. I don't particularly like cleaning, either, especially when little people dump things out faster than I can clean up. I can't avoid that one, but I guess I do the job that needs to be done and spend my thoughts on something else. If you come to my house and expect to find me polishing doorknobs, um...sorry?
Then we have things we all feel professional about. They might be things you are paid for, and they might be things that nobody is paid for--but you still feel professional about them. Maybe you're an accountant, and it's your job. Maybe you're professional about always making sure your daughters have matching clothes, hair bows, and pretty clothes. I feel pretty professional about genealogical research and about writing. Maybe I'll never be paid for these things, but I approach them as if it were my job and I wanted to do the finest work possible. We all have things like this.
But there's another category between the two, and I think that's important, too. We all need things we can do--and mess up over. It's okay to be amateur with some things! It means you are learning. And yes--it means you will mess up! And it's okay. If you look at my socks, you will find wrong stitches and holes where there shouldn't be any. You'll find uneven knitting. And that's okay! I love doing something where it doesn't matter if I'm not perfect at it. The world won't crumble, my family won't fall apart, the legislature won't go on strike. I'm going to mess up, but I'm going to learn from that, and I'm going to get better. I don't feel the need to judge myself against someone else because I already know I'm just a learner. Just an enjoyer.
It makes me think of when I started college, and had a one-year scholarship. Competition was fierce for renewal and you basically had to have a 4.0 to even apply. Well, I was also working so I could pay rent and eat, and I didn't keep a 4.0. It was disappointing, but also a bit of a relief. Because now I didn't have to stick to classes I knew I would be good at. I could take a risk, take a class in an unfamiliar subject, and actually learn something new! I knew people who were still stuck in the I-must-keep-perfect-grades trap and didn't have that same freedom as a result. The thing is, if you only stick to what you're good at, you never learn anything. You might as well be back in the Garden of Eden, where everything is perfect--and static. (Adam and Eve get a lot of flack for messing up. But I think the situation was a lot more complex than that. In a way, they messed up. But they also thought for themselves, admitted and took responsibility for their actions, and grew a lot from the experience. And it's not like there weren't provisions made for this very thing. To be Lewisian about it, Aslan didn't make a split second decision to stand in for Edmund. It was in the plan before Time itself.)
Sometimes we let momentary failures ooze out far past the bounds they need to. JK Rowling gave a wonderful speech at Harvard commencement a few years ago where she talked about "the fringe benefits of failure." If "failure" means learning from a mistake and turning it into a new strength, then that doesn't seem much like failure to me! Maybe we need to set our sights further, and look at things from a more wholistic point of view.
Maybe I'll learn so much about knitting that I'll become a sensation on Etsy. But er, as I don't think I'm quite that invested in it, probably not. Just like the millions of kids whose parents gave them piano and dance and gymnastics lessons but who didn't go on to be concert pianists or Olympic athletes or win national ballroom dance titles. Wasted effort, then? I think not. There's nothing wrong with doing something new, just for fun, just for creative enjoyment. To give my brain a rest from the things I do feel the need to do "right." I think it makes me a happier person, and being a whole, healthy person is much more important to me than being the Very Best in the Whole World. It brings home to me the truth that while I am important and unique in the universe and can do many things, I actually don't have to singlehandedly lift the weight of the entire universe and be responsible for it, either. I can't do that anyway, and this reminds me I don't have to feel bad about it.
So go do something amateur today! :)
