knowing people from the inside out

Since I started writing seriously (ie, letting others know I write, and therefore coming into contact with other writers on a regular basis), I've met a number of people sight unseen. Inside out and backwards, if you will. The regular way to meet people is to see them, form an unconscious opinion of them (I don't mean being judgmental, but just getting a mental picture of what their personality might be like), exchange words and see what you might have in common. The longer your contact with them, the more you learn about their deeper feelings and opinions, those things they are most vulnerable about, the things they fight the strongest for. But meeting people *through* writing is very, very different. When you read someone's writing, you jump to that intimate center of their thoughts, their vulnerable spots, their deepest desires. (Depending on how honest and deep the writing is, of course--but even in humor, you are still getting to the core of the person.) I've had a few experiences of knowing people for a very long time from a writing standpoint, only to physically meet them later. Very weird! I knew a friend of mine was a grownup and had children in college, even. But she channels twelve-year-olds so well that my mind had a really hard time the first time we met accepting that she was both a twelve-year-old AND a grownup. I also realized that if we'd met under conventional circumstances first, we would still be friends, and I would still find her incredibly witty, and even think she should write a book, but I would never know she was twelve inside.

I've "met" other people cyberly/writerly, first in conjunction with common writing goals, and only later reading/seeing in person how wrting fits into their lives. And again, I'm surprised. At the core, we have such deep common desires and ways of looking at the world. They are people I look up to, read for their insights. And yet, I am surprised by the layers of differences that can lie on top of those things we share in common. Layers that are at times quite thick. I didn't used to think I was judgmental, but now I'm not so sure. Meeting conventionally, I'm quite sure some of those same people I respect in a writing sense would never make it on my radar as "kindred spirits." Maybe the way we choose to spend our time, our money, and our efforts is even in direct opposition. And yet...there's that spark that's the same in each of us.

Now whenever I meet someone, I look hard. I want to find that shy twelve-year-old under the business executive. I want to find a wild biker under the housewife who's house is always spotless. I want to find the spiritual thinker inside the tattooed punk singer.