House hunters

I had to bring my husband to the dentist today (usually he bikes to work, but this was further away and in the middle of his workday). While he got a filling replaced, I watched House Hunters on the waiting room TV. If that is what Americans think is normal, I'm thinking there are an awful lot of disgruntled Americans. Or maybe it was just the episode. There was the couple for whom "money is no object--there is no budget." "If we have to throw in an extra $200,000 to get the right staircase for our girls to walk down when it's prom night, we will." I dunno. I guess part of TV is imagining what it would be like if you were rich and famous, but still... Then there was the young couple buying their first house who came off as a *bit* spoiled (and the realtor looked like she wanted to throttle them). They're walking into houses where everything works, everything has been newly redone, and grousing that the countertops are real granite, and "we'd just have to redo it all if we bought this." Or "I don't like that [freshly painted white] paneling. It's just...gross." With a pout. Sweetie, I can show you gross, and it ain't freshly painted walls...

This is my 23rd house to live in (not counting in-between stays with family in their house), and I can tell you just what I want in a house, and what is "gross." Here's what we absolutely require:

A stable foundation; no sloping floors
No water damage issues or threats thereof
An up-to-code electrical system
A garage with actual electricity in it
4-5 bedrooms because seven people are in our family; not just because it's the two of us and our Schmoopsie-Poo dog and we want that many
At least two full bathrooms because of said number of people
Closets in the bedrooms
A coat closet in places with winter
Doors that shut
Windows that can be opened to let in fresh air
Working appliances, furnace, and preferably central air, depending on location
Showers that don't leak

Here's what I want:

A full finished basement
A laundry room on the main floor, preferably between the kitchen and garage
An attached garage with remote-opening door
Windows set to let in light and air (bay windows are nice for this)
An open floor plan that lets air circulate easily
Er, three bathrooms are better than two...but in any case, a master bathroom. Also cabinets to store things in, so you can leave your toothbrush and toilet paper actually inside the bathroom
LARGE closets and storage space
A dishwasher that cleans the dishes instead of making them dirty
Carpet
A house that is spacious enough or the space is well-used, but not one that looks gigantic from the outside
Not on a busy street, and with a driveway you can get out of safely

Maybe there needs to be a show called Hovel Hunters...How to Find the Best Rental When None of Your Options Are Good.